This is our last dance. This is ourselves.

Wednesday, 30 June 2010

There's a ton of the twist but we're fresh out of shout

The end of this poem brings tears to my eyes.

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."

Robert Frost, Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening.

Feeling achy and confused and tired and "discombobulated."

Saturday, 26 June 2010


Looking for a new flat is ridding me of my sanity.

p.s It won't let me embed this but it made me feel happy.

Friday, 25 June 2010


I have cravings to be there.

Thursday, 24 June 2010


Today, me and Drea went to FACT to see To Kill A Mockingbird.
When we arrived, we were the only ones there. How mistaken we were to think it would remain that way. Slowly but surely the cinema filled with OAP's, a couple behind us were discussing the fact that the Budget may mean the end of their bus passes.
They promised that they would riot if this was going to be the case...

I studied the book for GCSE and it is one of those firm favourites, like Damien Rice, it feels like comfort. If I am ever in need of a book to read, I fall back on this one, my old old friend.

The film is beautiful. And seeing a film of this age on the big screen was such a different experience. It broke half way through, it jumped and missed lines of speech continuously, it was randomly quiet and loud and a very deep cello sound played sporadically but it just didn't matter. It was excusable because it was such a treat to see the characters you have spent hours getting to know and fall in love with and learn to fear and understand right there in front of you.

It was simple and lovely and innocent.

Tuesday, 22 June 2010

Mildly Terrified on a Permanent Basis.

Apparently, the shit really did just get real.

Degree results are flowing in. Not for me but apparently for everyone else, only adding to the impending anxiety, that nervous wait, the reason you wake up too early in the morning.

I am waiting to find out if I have been accepted on to my MA Philosophy course.

Mathew has his first proper full time job.

The first parent celebrated his 50th birthday this weekend.

We have a real life flat viewing tonight.

I think I am going back to work at the weekend.

My friends have all but disappeared and are doing very grown up things around the world.

And so we can spend our days at the beach and our evenings playing Monopoly and listening to The Lion King, but that element of change underlies everything.

And I am really scared of being left behind. Of falling behind.
I don't know what the dream is, so I can't work towards it.

It is a rather unsatisfactory feeling.

Thursday, 17 June 2010

Oh my...


Time After Time.

Yesterday, I went home to tidy out my bedroom.
A bedroom is such a special place. Which is why I can't honestly call this room my bedroom. It is more of a room full of all the stuff that I didn't take to university.

My old bedroom, the one I had for years, was a true true bedroom. Deep purple and lilac on the walls, my very first double bed, the crooked Vogue cut outs on the walls, the wicker chair and the blow up lion, my floor covered in nail varnish stains and clothes, Gundy.

And then I was moved. Displaced. Forced to leave without my consent. Heartbroken. Thrown in to a room that was not mine, a mere container of things once important.

But I think you find that maybe you move along with it. Plenty of things I found in plenty of boxes yesterday which obviously at that time meant something. Old, crusty roses, love letters from those I thought I loved, random bottle tops and bracelets, champagne corks with no date or purpose. All these things were important enough for me to keep at one point.

And now, I just don't remember why I loved them. Things like that were so easy to throw away, they had lost the meaning I had given them, my head and heart now too full of new trinkets to act as reminders to old days.

But still, there are things I cling to. Birthday cards which contain stark reminders of how friendships change, toys which played the role of best friends, medals and certificates and newspaper articles and letters and a million other things that I just couldn't bring myself to get rid of. Because I think that you realise that those things, they are reminders of how you got to where you are. They remind you of why you are the way you are. They can remind you of past lives, seemingly so distant from the one you are living now, but so internal to you, so ingrained in your being and painfully, so easily forgotten.

And I like being reminded.

Sunday, 13 June 2010


Weekends are fun.

Friday, 11 June 2010


Today I have...

Applied for my Masters.
Gone swimming.
Got a 2:1 for my dissertation.
Eaten lemon cake and eggs.
Shouted obscenities out of car windows.
Tidied my bedroom.
Realised I spilt drink down my 100% silk dress.
Watched 2 games of football.
Belly flopped. Hilariously and painfully.
Spent time with yummy friends.

Been bullied into writing about my amazing day.

Tuesday, 8 June 2010

Daisy Daisy

Yesterday was one of the very best days I have had in a very long time.

Me and Hubby pitched to be Marketing and Publicity for LUDS. We worked very hard and I am really very happy that we are going to be given the opportunity to make the society aaamazing.

We got to sit and listen to everyone pitching for plays for next year, it was so exciting and wonderful to be a part of all that.


The loveliest , drunkest award ceremony I have ever been to!
Everyone looked SO beautiful.

I attempted to give an award. Never before has wine caused such a very obvious mouth-to-brain break down. Apparently, it was rather funny...

Sam and I won "Steamiest Moment" for our sexual escapades in East, I joint won Best Actress for East and EAST WON BEST PRODUCTION.

6 out of 11 awards came to East.
I just couldn't be prouder of something, I am so glad our hard work was recognised, I really was very moved by the whole thing.

And then everything got very very very blurry and the night ended with a walk home in the finest of rain with beautiful bird song and the rare grey tint of sunrise.

Photos will at some point follow.
Also, HELLO to all you sneaky little anonymous readers!!! Especially the ones who made themselves known last night. I am in love with you.