This is our last dance. This is ourselves.

Monday, 11 January 2010


time time time.
at the moment it seems to be literally all i can think about.

sometimes i have this momentary calm, i have a week until my first exam, lots of notes made, plenty of time.
and then "the fear" arrives. that moment of fuuucccccckkkkkkk but i have made enough notes or done any actual reading, never mind secondary literature and i know nothing and THERE IS NO TIME AT ALL.
i suppose it's all just a matter of finding that delicate balance between the two.

i let myself look at round the world plane tickets yesterday. and i absolutely cannot wait until the very first day that travelling begins. and so in that aspect, i am very much wishing time to move on forwards, skip the exams, skip the soul-destroying full time job i am going to have to find in order to fund such travels and get me away as soon as possible.

however, i am increasingly aware, on a very day to day basis, that my university life is rather quickly drawing to an end. how i wish i had known i would feel like this. how i wish i had gone back a year and done all 3 years at Liverpool and not sneakily transferred. i always feel like a year was stolen away. i wasn't ready to go to uni but now i am certainly not ready to leave. clinging like a bitch.

friends are now slowly moving back off to their respective universities. this christmas, for me, has been lovely. i love having everyone so close.
but time seems to have changed things this holiday, they have been different, different friendships, relationships, it's just all been a bit different.
i have been writing and re-writing that last paragraph for about 10 minutes, which is a pathetic amount of time to be wasting writing nothing at all, in the end.

"Time changes everything except something within us which is always surprised by change."
Thomas Hardy.

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