Bes Bes Bes.

What a weekend.

Friday signified the end of "East". It went so well. We had to bring in extra chairs, we had to turn people away, people stood for the entire performance. It was very humbling and appreciated and just plain wonderful. We tried to go out afterwards but tired, fainty Ruth appeared and was taken for some dirty chicken/pidgeon and then went to bed. I am absolutely going to do a purely East inspired blog soon.

Woke up in tears. Constant tears for about 6 hours. Constantly. It was ridiculous.
And I think it was because it really did mean the beginning of the end. That would be, the way I was thinking about it at the time, the very last play I was ever going to be in. It wasn't just an end of univsersity plays but all the drama I have ever done ever, this seemed to represent the end of all of it. The end of uni life and everything about it that I love so much.
And that was just too sad.

So we had a party. Just a little party with just the right people and just the right amount of vodka to numb the tear ducts. And a very interesting discussion with a friend of mine who just brought up the idea of a Masters.
Following on from this insightful discussion, I am going to apply for a Masters. Part time or full time hasn't been decided yet but I am going to apply and if I don't get it then fine, if I do get it and want it then wonderful, if I do get it and don't want it then I can defer or just say no thank you very much.
I just feel like I still have a lot I want to do. I want to go for president of PhilSoc and LUDS.
If anyone in the world has an opinion about this, preferably constructive, then please feel free to leave comments. Advice is sorely needed.

Sunday was a day for the boys. Mathew had been to 2/3 nights of my play and so I went with him to my lovely new found friend Bes' house to watch 2 (!) games of football. We ate, we sat and we watched.
Mathew and I returned back to the homestead for glorious amounts of wine consumption, cockney singing around the table, the introduction of the Masters idea and lamb.
And then and then and tthhhheeeeennnn....
We returned. At midnight. To the house of Bes. For Wrestlemania. Until 4.30 in the morning.
Absolutely bloody ridiculous. But sleepy and fun. It was just relaxed and easy and I really enjoyed myself.

And then yesterday, the disseration work began. I am still on the reading stage and I feel like this is fine, I am happily plodding along, reading for as long as physically possible so it means I don't actually have to write anything at all.

I don 't much like these diary-like blogs. I think they might be quite boring and long and just a little too self-indulgent. I love me me me!

last night.

i do not want this to end.

tonight tonight tonight.

the play is tonight tonight tonight tonight tonight.

even as I type, it has definitely not sunk in that the play is tonight.

tonight tonight tonight tonight.

nope, still not there.

I SO want people to come and see it. I want to show it off, I feel like it is our very gorgeous/filthy baby that I want everyone to come and see.

Toffee Crisp

Faith in humanity has been somewhat restored after the man in the library realised I was freezing because of his open window and shut it for me.

Simple things.

Quiet weekend of library, an absolute lack of food in my fridge/freezer/cupboards which has involved me substituting meals for Lucozade again and actually sitting down. Sitting down and watching shit on TV with my boyfriend, who I haven't seen, despite living in the room next to him, for about a week. And going to bed by 11.30. Yummy.

All to take my mind off the fact that my very last essays potentially ever are in this week and so far, they sound as if they could have been written by a 5 year old.

AND the play this week. Which is stressing me out as well because I seem more worried about that going well than my essays. Which makes me more stressed.

And so I am, in fact, a bundle of stress. But a quiet bundle. Sleep has helped in a massive way, there have been no spontaneous crying fits today ...yet.

Lullabye.

"The nicest thing for me is sleep, then at least I can dream."

I am really tired. And disgustingly unproductive. Two essays in for Wednesday, one half written, the other not started.

Everyone else seems to be finishing up for Easter and I still have one crazy busy week left which includes going to uni, handing my very last ever bastard essays in and on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, it will be "East".

I want to talk more about everything but yet again, I just feel too stupid and tired.

Tomorrow is going to have to be a library day.

"Need you like water in my lungs."

right this second, booking a holiday which takes me away for the entirety of Easter doesn't seem like such an unattractive prospect.

*these photos would also include a photo of Lauren BUT she NEVER gives me her bloody photo!

i miss these wonderful girls. i cannot wait until Easter and we can just sit and play all day long.

no awkwardness, no effort, no change.

i love them very much and miss them terribly.

"I absolutely cannot wait to see all my lovely friends on Saturday where it does not matter if we are 14 or 40, I really think that these will be the people around for life." ♥